LP#4-Personal and Professional Relationships: The Effect of My Helping Role on Married Life

 In reflection of this learning plan on my personal life, I’m doing mostly an observation from my current experiences of being a Peer Support Specialist rather than a perspective of what my experiences as an interning Substance Abuse Counselor In Training have been.  I am not fully invested and experiencing the many functions, demands and duties of being a SAC-IT; which consists of a 5-day workweek being 8hours a day and sometimes some Saturdays. My learning in this chapter was very associative to my poignant current experiences in my full-time roll at Pathways as a Peer Support Specialist. I’ve had many stressful days as a PSS related to thinking things through and how the effect of my helping role has impacted or affected my Personal Life. This current career field has probably had greater emotional stress on me, compared to any other position or job I’ve had in my entire working adult life. Many days in my current role I’ve felt ineffective, powerless and overcome by the demands of the job. Especially because it is a long 12-hour shift for the first 3 days of the workweek, followed by 2 full days of internship.  More days than not, it is just pinning your ears back and weathering the dysfunction and instability in this line of work that residential treatment presents. This position has allowed me to mature and manage adaptive feelings in relation to this client population. Leaving my feelings and thoughts behind at the end of a very draining day has been very difficult. Some of the day’s emotional occurrences spill over into my marriage relationship with my wife of 25 years.

            I’ve often found it difficult and challenging to manage my emotions effectively in my home life with my wife. Being upset and overwhelmed during my workday, sometimes multiple times throughout the day, proves hard to not let some of it spill over into my relational personal life with my wife.  The demands of a long day in addition to my own recovery meetings, house maintenance/upkeep, school work, sponsorship, parental desires and recreational balance spread me thin and leave me depleted to exercise healthy psychological balance. My wife unfortunately becomes the bearer of my misplaced frustrations and anxiety along with some of my emotional struggles.

 This learning plan has assisted me to evaluate how my wife, being employed in a different field of work has facilitated some identification with advantages and disadvantages related to different professions. My relationship with my wife occurs in a very open environment. Often times because my wife is not working with such heavy emotional issues, she naturally finds it much easier to put work aside at the end of the day and engage in our personal relationship. She readily helps me to refocus myself by trying to find enjoyment in life’s pleasures outside of work. Her maternal nature always brings our adult children’s lives to the forefront of many of our discussions which I find great enjoyment and satisfaction in. This helps to reground myself in a much larger part of life that I occasionally lose after a tough day at work.  She understands her own personal emotional dynamics and helpfully shares aspects of her work, which withdraws me from my psychological gridlock of the day. If I am able to gain focus of her and the related desires in her career ventures, I find it easier to leave the difficulties of my day exactly where they should lie; at work. My wife has become the main breadwinner in our household. Her employer compensates her very well and offers splendid health insurance coverage along with many special compensatory perks. This relieves a burden of worry for me, that financial stability is not a major concern. I formerly was the breadwinner in our family household until I entered the substance abuse helping profession 4 years ago. She has now jokingly become my sugar mamma.

            Some disadvantages arise due to our different working professions also. Sometimes our relationship is hampered due to additional issues and dilemmas. Because our line of work is different, sometimes we don’t automatically share, consult, or are unable to support each other in our respective positions. We do not develop joint relationships with each other's colleagues. A large portion of my personal life and now my professional life is centered around substance abuse recovery. My wife is limited in her ability to relate, understand, feel and interact in my distinctively separate portion of my life’s avocation, lifestyle and education. This invariably means that we have had to cultivate separate friendships, interests and undertakings. My wife is able to leave her work at work when the day is done. I, on the other hand, often need an opportunity to decompress, talk and process the days' events through communication and conversation. This invariably puts her in a position, more often than her choosing, to listen to my helpful venting and processing of emotions related to the day’s challenges.

            Being in the helping profession I have had to mature with being cognizant to the total impact of my work on our relationship. There have been many rewarding and gratifying occurrences in this field for me and my interpersonal relationship with my wife has grown and joyfully matured because of this. The empowering effect of development with my education, profession and personal life has lent itself to greater discovery and intimacy for myself and my wife.